And Why Books Alone Don’t Change Your Life

This article is my contribution to Melanie’s blog parade about three books that shaped your life. Actually challenging, for two reasons.

1. I have always been an avid reader and there are so many books I value, and having to choose only three was anything but easy.
2. And the truth is: no single book has ever changed my life.

It has always been a combination of things.

A book can become a place of refuge. It can take you on adventures, ignite your imagination and open doors to worlds you have never known. But books alone do not change our lives. Their greatest power lies in the moment they meet us at exactly the right time and resonate.

That is when something shifts.

Ultimately, it was the experiences I went through, the people who accompanied me along the way, and of course the many years I have spent practising martial arts that shaped me.

The dojo became my school of life and my compass.

Nevertheless, I chose three books that still have a place on my shelf today and that I return to again and again — because they helped me make sense of experiences I had felt but could not yet put into words.

1. Vera F. Birkenbihl – Communication Training

When I moved to Munich, my German was good: I could understand almost everything, express myself and have conversations, but when it came to conflicts and difficult discussions, I still lacked confidence.

When I had to explain and defend my point of view, I struggled. Anyone who has ever argued in a foreign language knows exactly what I mean.

You know precisely what you want to say. But the words come too slowly, or you are missing that one word you need. You search. You hesitate and come across less assertive not because your arguments are less valuable, but because you cannot express them with the same clarity and confidence.

And in that brief moment of hesitation, the other person has already taken over the conversation. Birkenbihl shows, among other things, how important the non-verbal level of communication is.

Communication is a skill that can be trained. Like taking a breath before an attack. Like finding the right timing for a counterattack.

She analysed how misunderstandings arise, how language can create power — or powerlessness. How our choice of words, our tone of voice and our posture can either strengthen our presence or make us disappear.

The key insight was not completely new, but it reached me at exactly the right moment and helped me improve my interactions with others.

Someone who breathes, who is grounded, who takes up space — is already one step ahead.

Today, communication is a central part of my work: in leadership trainings, self-assertion courses for women and coaching.

2. Edward T. Hall – The Hidden Dimension

In his 1966 book The Hidden Dimension, Hall describes how differently cultures perceive space. How too much or too little distance can create discomfort, influence trust or even trigger aggression — without anyone consciously naming it. It simply happens, below the level of awareness. In the body.

I read this book at university — a very long time ago. And for me, it was a revelation.

As an Italian who has spent her adult life abroad and in international environments, The Hidden Dimension gave me an explanation for many things I had experienced throughout my travelling and working in multicultural teams.

How you deal with space and distance is key in the martial arts as well.

Japanese Budo arts have a concept for this: Ma (間) — the conscious space between things that dictates the flow, tension, and potential of a physical encounter.

It is the moment where perception, decision and action become possible.

In martial arts, it is not only about technique. It is about recognising distance, timing and the right moment. Often, the ability to notice a brief instant consciously and use it wisely makes all the difference.

Korean culture also has an interesting concept: Nunchi — the ability to read a situation, recognise subtle signals and respond appropriately. In other words: reading the room.

3. Paulo Coelho – The Archer

This book is different: It is small, beautifully illustrated and can be read in one afternoon.

I often return to it — especially in moments when I notice that I am trying to control, plan or force things too much.

Coelho tells the story of an archer,  learning not only to shoot an arrow but about life. It is about preparing, understanding, letting go and life itself. About focus and trust. About the moment when you stop trying to force an outcome and begin to simply be present.

In Kyūdō, the Japanese art of archery, the arrow hits because the archer releases at the right moment.

if you are tense and force the movement, you end up preventing what you are trying to achieve.

Coelho did not write a self-help manual. He tells a story.

And within this story are quiet moments that invite reflection.

This book reminds us that discipline and perseverance matter, but they are not the same as stubbornly pushing forward.

Growth often comes through letting go and creating space for something new to emerge.

What These Three Books Have in Common

These three books expanded my perspective. They resonated with me at the right time and helped me make sense of experiences I had not yet been able to put into words. But what shaped me were the experiences I made, the people around me, and of course martial arts: the countless hours spent on the mat, because knowledge only becomes alive through experience.

Books provide valuable impulses and perhaps this is the true power of great books: They help us look at things from a new perspective and guide us when widening our horizon.

So my advice: Read. Let yourself be inspired, and then go out into the world to experience.

Your future self will thank you.

Would you like to develop your own presence and self-leadership?

Discover our coaching programmes and workshops that connect body and mind — helping you build greater clarity, confidence and impact in everyday life.

This post is part of Melanie Hafner’s blog parade about inspiring books:
https://minschtl.de/blog-wortgefluester/aufruf-zur-blogparade-inspirierende-buecher/