Navigating Self-Image, Self-Worth and Self-Deception

Recently, I noticed a couple in a restaurant. He was relaxed, chatty and enjoying his dinner naturally. She? Dressed to the nines, perfectly made-up, every gesture rehearsed like from a manual. Almost too perfect.

Here’s the curious part: barely seated, she pulls out a small mirror from her bag, sets it beside her phone, and with every tiny bite, lifts the mirror for a scrutinizing glance. Adjusts a stray hair, checks her makeup, retouches her eyeliner. Over and over. The whole evening felt like a staged performance. For whom? Him? Herself?

Maybe that mirror offers what she can’t find within herself: a flicker of control, a spark of security—if only for a moment.

Strange. And kind of sad. Because what must a woman feel inside if she can’t even relax during dinner, haunted by the fear of not looking flawless?

Why Comparison Feeds Your Insecurity

Who are these “comparison people” quietly chewing away at your confidence every day?

• That colleague who’s always a step ahead, perfectly organized and seeming to have it all under control.

• The Instagram feeds showing perfect homes, perfect kids, perfect vacations. We scroll, compare and lose ourselves.

• The flawless woman on the magazine cover: successful, beautiful, calm. She’s supposed to motivate us but mostly reminds us of what we haven’t achieved yet.

• And worst of all: the image we hold of our “perfect self”:  the never-mess-up, never-tired, never-doubt ideal version. That’s the harshest comparison because it comes from within.

It’s not who you are that fuels insecurity. It’s who you measure yourself against. Behind many self-doubts is one relentless culprit: comparison.

What Helps? Presence. Body. Clarity.

So now what? Stop trying to erase the inner critic, it’s not going anywhere, because it is part of us and also means well, trying  to protect, push, motivate. But its standards are often unrealistic.

What we can learn is to meet that critic differently. Instead of handing over the wheel, we observe it and decide whether what it says is even true or helpful.

Your body is your ally here. When you catch yourself shrinking or self-criticizing, step out of your head for a moment and into your posture. Breathe. Feel the ground beneath your feet. Straighten up inside and out. Presence creates space. And that’s not just possible, it can be trained.

We escape the comparison spiral by consciously grounding ourselves physically. If you stand in the here and now, in your body, your posture, your voice, you don’t need the mirror to check if you’re “okay.” You just are.

Do you want to break free from that loop of insecurity? Show up without flinching inside? Then our Self-Assertion course is the perfect place to start.

The Inner Core: Your Strongest Resource Against Self-Doubt

But the journey goes deeper.

It’s about the inner core, that part of us that doesn’t rely on external approval. The part that stays calm when everything around us shakes. That quiet, steady force inside reminding you who you are—even when nothing else works.

This core isn’t a rigid structure or an unmovable rock. It’s a living connection to what truly defines us: our values, needs, and deepest feelings. Not the ego screaming “Look at me!” Not the mask seeking approval. But the calm, strong self that knows what really counts.

This core gets tested the most when we change. When old certainties crumble. When new demands arise. When we grow, whether we like it or not.

What You Think You Have to Be, Gets in the Way of Being Yourself

And here’s the real work: sorting out what truly belongs to you, and what you’ve just adopted because others expected it.

The toughest fight is often against the “I can’t.” The conditioned shrinking. The decades-long habit of pleasing others before even hearing yourself.

Once you stop measuring yourself by outside standards, space opens up for you. You don’t need constant self-checks when you trust yourself. And that’s learnable, step by step.

5 Impulses to Refocus on Yourself

1. Be still and listen to yourself 

👉 Before reacting, ask: What am I feeling? What do I actually want to say or do? Confidence begins with self-awareness.

2. Validate yourself. Daily.

👉 Imagine you’re your best friend. What would you say to her? Say exactly that to yourself. Sounds weird? Then you’re on the right track.

3. Allow your anger—it’s a signal, not a flaw.

👉 Anger isn’t weakness. Anger means a boundary’s been crossed. Use it, not to lash out, but to clarify: What’s okay for me? What’s not?

4. Train your posture. 

👉 How you stand, breathe, speak: Your body can build or sabotage your confidence. Presence starts physically, both in martial arts and daily life.

5. Let comparisons inspire, not devalue you.

👉 Comparing is natural and even helpful, when you use others as role models or sparks of inspiration, not as impossible standards to hit. It turns toxic when you’re always measuring yourself against others or some unreachable perfect image. Don’t let comparison drag you down, steal your focus, drain your energy and cut you off from your true self.

The core is what remains when everything else falls away. That’s why it’s your greatest resource amid change. Those who learn to feel and protect it don’t get lost in the mirror, the comparison or the outside world. They find their way back to themselves. Our body opens a path inward to where our dignity lives. Our clarity. Our self-respect.

Sometimes, we need a sparring partner—not just in training, but also when it comes to gaining clarity, making decisions, or asserting ourselves with confidence. In my coaching and training sessions, I help you find focus, build inner strength and grow — professionally and personally. 

Get in touch and find out more!